Back in February of 2020 I wrote about “the easiest job in Australia” – click here to read that one. That was when we had not long arrived in Sydney and were busy looking for a place to rent. A not so subtle dig at estate agents downunder and especially in Sydney. Now, almost 18 months later, we have moved house and the new place is supposedly managed by the estate /rental agency under the guise of “property management”.

I thought renting out and selling property was easy around here! But this “property management” caper seems even easier. They should call themselves “Property Mis-Managers” because the way they operate is nothing short of scandalous. You may find this hard to believe but here goes…

Property Management Skills to Amaze You…

When we collected the keys to the property they are “managing” they gave us a property ‘condition report’. Standard stuff, I know. It listed anything they thought needed to be recorded but also gives you as the new tenant the opportunity to add anything else that may be wrong and/or needs reporting. Presumably with the end result being that the “property manager” gets it fixed. Right?

Wrong!

When we arrived at the property and found that the lounge lighting was not working, we later read in the ‘condition report’ that these idiots had written exactly that: “Lounge lights not working”. It turned out that there were five lights that did not work, all with similar comments. Alongside their observation in the “report” they ask you to circle “Yes” or “No”. Incredibly, that is it. They have done nothing about getting it fixed but they expect you to agree, like; ‘Yeah, well spotted. The lights don’t work. Nice one. Thanks for pointing that out I may have missed that one, especially when it gets fucking dark!’

The apartment lighting is not working and what’s more, we cannot find the fuse/circuit breaker box! Do you think the “property manager” knows where it is? Like f*#k they do! Surely the “property manager” should know all this stuff?! Well not here in Sydney. They are a total bunch of wankers. Pure and simple. Their calling card slogan could be: “Maintenance? No chance mate. Robbery without violence a speciality.”

Here’s another example: The bedroom windows have blackout blinds fitted but the draw strings to operate them were broken. The “property managers” report reads: ‘Unable to inspect as blinds string torn’. Yeah, they are probably ok mate but you won’t find out until someone fixes the draw strings! What?! There were a couple of other items with a similar lack of action on the part of these “property managers”.

So “property management” does not mean performing or even organising basic or routine maintenance work on the property. It only means inspecting the property and writing about the conditions – whether the item is fully functional or simply not working. It matters not to these clowns.

They just don’t care though. They inspect, find things and expect the tenant to accept them as “not working”. These people are fraudulent conmen. There is no doubt about it. But if the law allows them to operate like this then what can you do? Who knows? If it wasn’t so blindingly stupid (almost to the point of being comical) it could make you crazy.

Wait a Moment. I Just Had an Idea!

But then it does give me an idea. If this is the standard of “property management” around here then surely that leaves a huge gaping hole that needs filling (no pun intended). I could set up a genuine  “property management” company. Our slogan could be: “Real Estate Management. Property Managers who actually give a toss!“