Well, it’s exam week (apparently) so here is a look at something school related…

As part of his schoolwork Dani and his class have lessons in public speaking every week. A good thing to do at that age. In fact, the kind of confidence that class can instill will probably do much more for the kids in later life than most of their academic learning. Not just for the confidence of speaking in front of other (often older and presumably more experienced) people. He also seems to like it. You will probably see why later in the example below. For me this is a great opportunity to record the work he brought home. I am sure he will enjoy reading it when he is older as much as I did the other day.

For the rest of you… Well, you may find it a little bit daft, if not stupid. It’s typical kids stuff. Boys stuff to be more exact.

A little bit of bullshit goes a long way (in life)

The saying used to be; “It’s who you know, not what you know”. I am sure that still counts for a lot when trying to make your way in life especially as an adult. But another thing definitely comes into play these days. The subtle (or even not so subtle) art of bullshitting can take you further in life than real skills. I have witnessed it so many times in the many and varied jobs I have had.

Make no mistake. For all the positive or obvious benefits of practicing public speaking at their age, these kids will certainly also be better equipped to bullshit their way through many situations later in life. Although right now that additional benefit will be very much in their subconscious. And they are already busying themselves with some complete nonsense. Below is a great (and funny) example.

This is an exact copy – word for word, spelling mistakes and all – of the typed transcript Dani brought home. He did this task with his classmate Jarvis.  The aim of the task was to write and read out a “fragmented fairy tale”. It is completely ridiculous and it is definitely no Oscar-winning script, but it did make me laugh. What great fun to be that age. I can almost remember it myself…

The Moose and the Porridge.

Narrator 1.(aka Jarvis de goat)

Narrator 2.(aka Dan da man)

The moose.(aka Jarvis de goat)

Baby porridge.(aka Dan da man)

Daddy porridge.(aka Jarvis de goat)

Mummy porridge.(aka Dan da man)

Narrator 1:  Once upon  time, there was a  Moose who was called Moose. He got sick of eating leaves so he looked for something else to eat.

Narrator 2:  He had a long stroll down the woods until he came across a massive bowl of porridge.Outside came a Baby porridge, a mummy porridge and a Dad porridge.

Daddy porridge:  I am going to leave for the milk now  remember baby porridge and mummy porridge. I kind of like you.

Baby porridge:  I kind of like you too but deep inside my heart I feel like becoming Daniel and eating you for breakfast.

Narrator 1:  The moose comes up to the porridge family.

Narrator 2:  The moose let out a loud fart and said:

The moose:  MMmmm!! Something smells like my armpit hair. Yummy!

Baby porridge:  Stop the caaapp! Your armpits smell like rotten eggs and bacon! Look at you!You are just ugly Racoon Pig!Is that not a thing? Dont care Its you!

The moose:  I want to eat that baby porridge with ugly rotten teeth. 3.2.1 CHARGE! oops! I broke your fridge with da empty milk containers

Baby Porridge: Nooo! The fridge! My Doritos! My frozen Doritos! That’s it. Fight me!

The moose: You want some, I’ll give it ya you wet oat!!

Narrator 2:  Baby porridge leaped in the air and corrected the moose. I’m dry!

He smashed down on the moose and.POW!

The moose:  Ow! you oat . i’m gonna belt to the milky way

Bam! Slap! Slash! bang!

Baby Porridge:  Wow Dude! That hurt! But I’ll give you a good thumping and a spanking AND a good hiding to even it out.SMASH!

The moose:  BRO!What in the world! OUCH! Time for Plan B …We are calling a ca130 on mr and mrs Porridges home bang! smash! boom!

Baby Porridge:  Clap Clap Clap. What an airstrike! You blew up the chimney! Now how do I get presents from the Fat Man?

The moose: You mean Santa-Claus? The guy that comes into your room and looks at you while you sleep?

Baby Porridge:  Wow! I didn’t know Santa was so sussy Jamal!

The moose:  All so cool but didn’t your dad leave for the milk?

Baby porridge:  Oh yeah! He’s been gone for 3450 years!Waaaaaaaaa!

The moose:  That’s sad LMAO!

Mummy porridge:  Get out you rotten head with a horn!

The moose:   How dare you call me that!I’m the most beautiful moose in the world!

Baby porridge:  True but all moose are ugly! So u suck!

Daddy porridge:  Son, I… Have come back with the milk. I realised… That I still kind of like you!

Daniel: Yum! Yum! Porridge! Let’s eat the big one! Jarvis! Look!

Jarvis:  Let’s also put the moose in the crock pot!

YUM! CRUNCH!

Daniel: We hope you enjoyed This story by Oatmeal and horn- head productions.

Jarvis:  Also sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends.

Daniel: It’s done!Go away now.