I Couldn’t Organise a Piss-Up in a Brewery

I couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery. There. Said it.

I never thought I would make that sad admission. While not strictly true, I have definitely failed to do something that I thought would be easy. Book a half day craft beer tour in Sydney, pay the money, drink the beers, stagger off home. Sounds easy right? Sadly not.


Anyone with a decent command of the English language will have heard this expression. ‘He/she couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery”. It is a simple derogatory phrase which means that a person is basically useless. So hopeless in fact that they can’t even organise something that should really take no (or hardly any) planning… Well you get it right?

I may now be considered an official member of that (unofficial) club. I tried to book myself on a half day craft brewery tour (or as I hoped a piss-up), but came up short.

Excuses, excuses…

In my defence, there are mitigating circumstances:

  1. They only do the half day tours for a group booking. So, there would need to be 4 or more people.
  2. I cannot do the full day tours as I need to get back to the school for 3pm when Dani finishes. The half day trip would have been ideal. There is another problem, however. Even the full day tours require a group of 6 or more. Fortunately, the full day tours are popular. People really do want to get pissed in a brewery, I guess. So, theoretically I could latch on to a full day tour group.
  3. Finally, and most importantly, I don’t think that they actually allow you to get pissed (blind drunk). Proper smashed I mean. Shitfaced. Mainly because they need to keep their relationship with the brewery/bar owners sweet. Also, they would not let you back on the tour bus if you were legless. (People have been known to vomit profusely after consuming large amounts of strange new ales.) Besides I doubt there would be enough time to get really pissed on the half day tour.

Plan B

It looks like I will have to reassess. The half day tour looks like a dead end. But if I can get on one of the full day tours, I can probably cram in enough beers to get (at least) averagely pissed. That would be mission accomplished.

I need to get Dani doing some after school activity for the one day. Not an easy task as these things need to be booked in advance etc… Maybe I can get his mum to finish work early one day. I am sure I can figure something out. Never let it be said that this man ‘can’t organise a piss up in a brewery’. Onwards and upwards. Then stagger and possibly fall over….

On to The Rocks – Plan C

All was not lost. I decided to take a self-guided tour of The Rocks. The old historical part of Sydney where the city began. There are a few historic micro-brewery pubs in that little area. Let’s see…

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