Some Serious Star Wars Questions

OK so it’s Christmas time and the new Star Wars film is in the cinemas (A new Star Wars movie is now an annual event. I have not seen it yet incidentally). Naturally my son is just nuts about Star Wars already. So, buying presents should be easy this year. Even this old dad has been doing a spot of Christmas shopping.

Shopping for things for my boy. More specifically Lego shopping. Even more specifically Star Wars Lego shopping. In fact, it’s the only kind of shopping I enjoy.

There are plenty to choose from but you have to be careful otherwise your wallet could find itself much like most politicians’ heads. Glossy on the outside, empty on the inside.

What’s going on?

I am still struggling to come to terms with some of the places and characters in the first three episodes, so these new Star Wars movies have got me totally confused. I cannot honestly say which spaceship or fighter craft is which. I may need to go onto the training course with Dani’s Spanish grandmother (see here for that).

As I was browsing through the plethora of Star Wars Lego sets a few serious questions arose. These questions need answers so please help if you know something.

  1. Where do the rebel alliance have their spacecraft made?

Seriously! In every episode so far they have been driven out from one third world planet to another, sometimes via an uninhabitable ice planet here or there. Each time they are driven out of a base they invariably lose several fighter craft and sometimes one or more of their huge cruiser ships. The base planets the rebels have chosen thus far don’t even have the materiel or technology to do repairs never mind build new ships. The bigger spacecraft would take years to build so it is unlikely any manufacturer would take on such a contract with the likes of Darth Vader breathing slowly and menacingly (as he does) down their necks. Where are they replenishing their fleet? And who is making them? Probably Lego! They seem to make everything these days.

  1. What’s going on with robot technology?

OK let’s think this one through logically. Kylo Ren – he is the new lord of the dark side in case you didn’t know – has a cross guard style light sabre. Far more advanced than the basic model wielded by Mr. Vader: Right? The space ships now are clearly far superior to the earlier models some of which appeared to be made out of sieves and various kitchen based cartons (surely not!?). The weaponry in general has vastly improved; all the way from the humble stormtrooper blasters right up to the dreaded Death Stars (which we clearly saw improving just between episodes 4 and 6 right?). Even the stormtroopers seem to have been kitted out with improved suits! Courtesy of Hugo Boss I wonder  So why are the robots still so crap?

Back when R2 was the main “bot” the other, more human looking, droids were slow and cumbersome – or camp like C3PO. They certainly realised the concept of using robots to do the fighting all the way back to the first episode so what went wrong in the robot labs of that bloody galaxy? Was the robot advancement programme budget slashed? Surely not. Even back in the early episodes they had robots performing delicate bionic micro-surgery – like giving Luke and his dad new hands – so where did it all go wrong? Seriously?

Surely by now there should be some serious terminator style robots doing all the fighting. I don’t mean like those almost cute looking “battle droids” we saw in the first few episodes either. I mean full on Schwartzenegger Terminators. Hell, they could have even cloned Arnie himself with the help of those weird long necked cloners we saw in episode 2. It’s not like they have never cloned an army before is it?.

I am sure you can tell that this one really bothers me.

  1. What the hell is General Grievous supposed to be?

OK, I know he appears to be a four armed robo-villain of sorts, but the last time I saw him he seemed to have developed a serious smoker’s cough. How did that happen? Actually, that was the penultimate time I saw him. The last time was when Obi Wan decided to do the General some Grievous Bodily Harm (or GBH as the police like to call it).

I could go on but until I get answers to these hi-tech problems what’s the point? Answers on a postcard to…No; wait a moment! Just leave any thoughts in a comment on this post. Thanks.

P.S: I have just learned that there is a site full of information which may be a good starting point. It is called Wookiepedia Hahahaa… You’ve got to love that!

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